Jay’s Story

Who is this Jay Manning guy anyway?

I’m a guy in my 30’s with a pretty typical western upbringing. I’ve had a bunch of different jobs over the years, mostly in education and coaching.

I’m into a lot of the usual guy stuff – football, cars, fitness, music, socialising and sharing laughs, extreme sports, travel and adventures.

What I’m NOT into any more is porn . . . but I used to be, big time. This is the story of how I got from there to here.

The Tragic Past
The Awesome Present
The Crucial Future

The Tragic Past

In the Early Days

I had a pretty uneventful exposure to porn when I was growing up. From time to time, one of my friends would get hold of a naughty magazine somehow, and we’d each take turns in borrowing it for a few days.

Otherwise, there was really just the women’s underwear section of the Kmart catalog, and sometimes an eyeful of boobs in mainstream movies. Revenge of the Nerds was pretty rad for that.

Later, when we got dialup internet (why are you millennials looking at me funny??), I’d check out sex pictures or read erotic stories every now and then.

Around that time, a few porn videos began circulating amongst my friends every few months as well. But none of it held my attention for long.

Shit’s About to Get Real

Things really changed when I got broadband internet and discovered streaming porn videos. The nevernending supply of internet porn took things to whole different dimension for me.

I have an addictive personality, so once I start something I’m interested in, I usually take it to the extreme. As a result, soon I was regularly watching pornographic videos for an hour or more at a time.

For months, I had a blast doing this and didn’t even consider that there could be any downsides. But the whole time, my porn use was steadily causing damage under the surface without me even realising.

So it wasn’t long before I encountered my first big problem. I’m not gonna lie here: sometimes I couldn’t keep a proper boner when I was getting busy with a chick.

Has this happened to you? It’s one of the most painfully embarrassing things imaginable for a man. There are only so many bullshit excuses you can make before your cover gets blown, which then makes it hurt even more.

Because the problem just slowly crept in under the radar, I was blind to the cause for a long while. It didn’t even occur to me that there could be any link to my pornography use.

But as more time passed and I began to suspect that watching porn was causing my erectile dysfunction, I didn’t want to face it. Somehow I thought I could get away with it and that the problem would disappear by itself.

Of course, that didn’t happen. The opposite did.

Supersizing the Pain

Over time, my porn use started causing even more painful problems in my life. Among many other things, it began to have negative effects on my emotions, my self-image, my sex life and my relationship with my girlfriend at the time.

All that pain really got my attention. I finally knew that I needed to stop watching porn, but by then I was totally hooked.

Sometimes, you don’t realise you’re addicted to something until you try to give it up.

My Vicious Quit-Relapse Cycle

I’d never even considered that it was possible to be addicted to porn, so I had no idea what I was in for.

My early efforts at quitting porn just kicked off a tragic, ongoing cycle.

I’d give up pornography for a week or two, then relapse and binge over a few days . . . then feel like shit about it and stop watching porn again, then relapse and binge again, over and over and over. And over.

Stomp your feet and hollah if you can relate to this shit!

Two different times, when the pain got extra bad, I did manage to stop watching porn for a few months straight. But neither of those attempts lasted, and each time I just relapsed back into my old patterns again.

The problem was that I had no clue how to stop watching porn for the long term and set myself up for lasting success, so I just relied on willpower. And willpower by itself sure doesn’t stop porn addiction.

What I really needed were effective strategies and a solid process to act on, but somehow I thought I should be able to beat this challenge without any of that.

I’m a very strong-willed person, so it was hard for me to admit that I needed something more than just my resolve to get me across the line.

A Lame Band-Aid Solution to Help Me Stop Watching Porn

Eventually I saw that I couldn’t just use willpower alone to resist porn urges.

So I installed website filtering software to block all porn sites and every media site except YouTube. Then I locked it so I couldn’t turn it off or uninstall it without requesting a password reset and waiting a week.

What I didn’t see at the time was that this was just an ineffective, superficial band-aid solution. It was never going to help me overcome porn addiction without me working on a deeper level and getting to the root of my addiction first.

The website blocker stopped me from accessing all the blatantly pornographic sites, but then I just started spending a ton of extra time trying to find sites that weren’t blocked.

With so much temptation pulling on me, I was so relentless that somehow I always found some kind of pornography.

Then, after I’d jerked off to it and was feeling the intense emotional downer that comes with relapsing, I’d set the software to block that site too. So next time I’d have to search somewhere else to find porn . . . and the cycle continued yet again.

My Extraordinary Failure Record

I struggled with trying to quit porn for about 4 years in total. I wasn’t counting, but I’d guess I tried and failed at least 80 times over that period (probably way more).

And I’m not talking about how many times I simply used porn. I mean there were at least 80 separate times where I promised myself I was going to stop watching porn for good, and genuinely intended to follow through, but then slipped up and hit it even harder.

Throughout those 4 years, all my original porn-induced problems got worse, plus I picked up new ones that came with trying unsuccessfully to get over my porn addiction.

Because life skills at the time weren’t what they are today, my repeated failure soon spawned its own emotional pain, uncertainty and negative beliefs, and that made things even more difficult than ever before.

The Critical Turning Point

Finally, one day I hit rock bottom after another relapse (there’s an audio about it in the free Actions and Insights resource series). I had a moment where I just totally snapped and said “that’s it – I’ve had enough!”

In a storm of internal rage, disgust and shame, I vowed that I’d do whatever it took to stop watching porn for good. From that moment on, I committed myself to discovering what worked and taking serious action to smash all my porn problems.

Dramatic, huh?

I’d love to say that historic moment was the absolute end to my porn use, but I’ll be honest: I relapsed 4 more times after that (albeit these relapses were very minor and controlled – nothing like any of my previous binges).

The Problem with Existing Online Porn Addiction Tips and Resources

Of course, the first place I looked for answers was the same place I’d always looked for porn: the internet. I soon discovered that people with the same problem as me were sharing tips on how to stop watching porn in online forums, blogs and videos.

Although these online tips were well intentioned, most weren’t very effective by themselves.

As I learned from those final few relapses, these tips worked only on the surface level, and they didn’t attack the very core of porn addiction. They were also very scattered and didn’t have any kind of structure or process.

As a result, I knew these existing tips and resources were only part of the porn addiction cure, so they wouldn’t lead to lasting results.

Discovering Exactly How to Stop Porn Addiction

Since there was nothing already out there on how to stop watching porn permanently that really worked, I started looking in other fields.

I began doing massive research into psychology, other kinds of addictions, brain physiology, behaviour change and personal success (the awesome thing about my addictive personality is that I take beneficial things to the extreme too!).

I’d already been into personal success and psychology for years, but this time I looked at everything in terms of how it could help me to stop watching porn. And this time I got some very powerful answers.

I began discovering more and more strategies for overcoming porn addiction. As I went, I collected them together into a logical process I could put into action.

This included everything from the core fundamentals and the root causes of my addiction . . . to my inner game and mindset . . . to my views and relationship with porn . . . to a thorough plan for stopping my porn addiction . . . to ongoing practical strategies in my everyday life.

I just kept hammering as many nails as I could into the pornography addiction coffin. I began to get awesome momentum and to absolutely love the feeling of breaking free from porn. I could feel the change inside and I just knew that it was working.

Soon I was so certain that I’d never watch porn again that I even uninstalled the website blocking software, which had been my safety net for years.

But I knew by then that working on the roots of my addiction meant that I didn’t need surface solutions to stop me looking at porn any more.

My Turbulent Ride to Freedom from Porn

I’ll be honest again: even once you’ve quit porn, it still isn’t a smooth ride at first. Personally, I went through a lot of different porn withdrawal symptoms, along with severe cravings and temptations.

This was a whole other thing that nothing had prepared me for. Half the time I didn’t even make the connection between what was happening to me and the fact that I’d stopped watching porn.

There were also times when I felt like I’d made progress in getting past these problems, only for it to seem later like I’d gone backwards.

The good news is that all of those challenges were just temporary. For me, it took about 3 months or so before all the porn withdrawal symptoms stopped, and at least 6 continuous months of total porn abstinence before all my porn-related problems went away.

Now I’m ridiculously happy to say that my porn use and all of its consequences are a thing of the past. Woot woot! :)


The Awesome Present

Today, I’m a completely different person and my life is the best it’s ever been. Period.

I’m in a totally awesome place, and overcoming porn addiction has been a critical piece in the transformation. I sometimes even cry tears of joy and gratitude about how amazing everything has become for me (literally. I’m not joking here).

These are a few highlights from my life now that I can directly relate to quitting porn (no bragging – just one example of how things can turn around when you totally stop watching porn):

Emotional Awesomeness

I feel a gazillion times better emotionally. Once I realised that pornography was causing major problems, I used to feel like shit after every time I watched it.

There was an acute pain (which lasted a day or two), along with an underlying mild depression that came with breaking yet another promise to myself (which lasted for weeks). Because I watched porn so regularly, I never gave myself the space for that to clear.

Since I stopped watching porn, not only have all the intense negative emotions vanished for good, but my general, long-term mood is also way better than before and I feel so happy in life :)

Skyrocketing Self Image

My entire self image has massively improved. Along with all the other negative emotions every time I watched porn, I also used to feel a sharp spike of self loathing and my self image would nosedive into the floor.

After I’d stopped watching porn for a while, my self esteem, self respect and sense of self worth all skyrocketed. Plus, being able to finally rise up and crush this gigantic challenge after failing so many times has given me some kick-ass confidence.

Ever since, I’ve felt and believed that if I could overcome my pornography addiction, I can do anything. Now, watch me smash through this concrete wall with a single headbutt. Booyah!

Social Freedom

I feel so much more comfortable socially since I stopped watching porn. For example, now I can hold continuous eye contact with strangers, I’m much more outspoken and less afraid of confrontation.

I didn’t even put any effort into this area at all – it just started happening once I stopped watching porn for a while. Taa-da!

An Extraordinary Relationship

Within a few months of giving up pornography, I started an amazing relationship with an extraordinary woman. This is something I’d wanted for years and years.

It’s fascinating how if you make room in your life for genuine love and connection by getting rid of the false connection you’re getting from porn, something better fills its place.

My beautiful lady constantly lights me up, and our relationship just keeps getting better over time. We’re now married and more in love than ever. Nawww! :)

Our sex life is absolutely incredible too. No more floppy boners for me whatsoever – like granite, baby! We have awesome, passionate sex all the time, and it’s so much more pleasurable and fulfilling than porn ever was.

Kicking Ass in General

I’ve been kicking so much ass since I stopped watching porn that I’ve worn out 3 pairs of shoes already. And those were steel caps too ;)

I’m thinking clearly, and way more motivated, focussed and productive since I recovered from porn addiction.

For years, I was so scattered in life – I’d concentrate on too many different things at once, I’d constantly start things and never finish them, I’d procrastinate and I’d always make slow progress . . . so I never achieved much.

Now I’m totally on my game and getting shit done!

Purity, Congruence and Inner Peace

Since I quit porn, I feel purer, more natural and more congruent with who I really am. I also feel much more honest, like I have nothing to hide any more.

And now that I’m not consciously harming myself through my actions any more, I’m free of the internal conflicts that I had before, and I feel at peace. These days, my inner world is like . . . like a pure Scandinavian waterfall. Ahhhh :)

But Wait . . . There’s More!

And all this is still just the beginning – each of these things have really set me up for massive success in other areas of life.


The Crucial Future

I can say with certainty that I will never, ever watch pornography again in future – there’s just no way I’m ever going back to all that pain.

I did everything the hard way and it was a long, painful process getting through it all. But I eventually overcame porn addiction and transformed my whole life, and I’ve learned a lot from the journey.

I’ve also seen that there’s a huge need for porn addiction help and resources that really work. So I’ve now dedicated myself to showing others how to stop watching porn by sharing the techniques and secrets I’ve discovered.

This is my big passion now, and my aim is to always be the very best.

Since I decided on this path, I’ve done a ridiculous amount of extra research and personal development, and I’ve also learned a ton from personally working with people from all over the world to help them overcome their own porn problems.

Now It’s Your Turn

Are you ready to step up and do what it takes to stop watching porn and make your life awesome?

If so, subscribe to get your free Actions and Insights resources and we’ll get started right now.

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From the Fans
"Kia ora Jay,

my name is Sean im from New Zealand I just wanted to send you an email about my experience and how you have helped me regain strength back in this area of my life.

I have been trying to kick porn in the ass for a very long time, feeling alone and frustrated I found your site through Google search about six months ago and signed up to your awesome resources strait away. my back ground with this is one like many before me and has been an ongoing battle for many years, but I'm now definitely on the road too recovery :).

through your site I have learnt some very good tips and strategies to help battle the urges and feelings of this addiction, every bit of information I have received has been very relevant and helpful, thank you so much.

I have started an mens accountability group with a few of my friends and am going to get them to sign up to the site. also is it possible to make a small donation somewhere?, as I feel like I would like to contribute in some way.

its so crazy how something like this can be so damaging to your whole life mentally and physicaly, but with people like you who tell it straight up as it is theres hope for men and women around the globe, again thank you!"
Sean, New Zealand

"Hi Jay

It is actually my husband on whose behalf I have subscribed. We have been together for 15 years and its only about 4 years now when I first discovered the porn addiction. Porn is almost a 20 year battle for him and he has made countless attempts to stop over the years but has never succeeded.

We are both committed to following your prescription to the letter the science and the reasoning behind every action you specify makes it easy to comply with.

I can see honestly for the first time that he is truly on his way to recovery. You have motivated and shown him a plan and a positive way foward, nothing else has managed to restore hope like this. My husband's getting stronger and we are getting closer every day all thanks to your program.

He says to tell you this is the longest he has gone in 20 years without even a single craving an its almost 2 months now.

Your practical, holistic approach coupled with your awesome energy is nothing short of brilliant. We are actually bonding in a way that we have never before. We've both loved and lived more in these last 2 months than we have in our 15 years together all thanks to you my dear friend. You are an answer to years of prayers and we are eternally greatful.

We are thrilled that you have taken the time to check in on us, you really are an awesome human being, the positive difference your care and concern has made in our family is remarkable and we are so grateful to you for turning our lives and our marriage around.

We really appreciate your incredible committment to us and our situation. For someone who hasn't even met us yet your dedication is truly an inspiration to us in itself.

Yours in gratitude"
Compiled with permission from various emails

"I've never felt so much freedom over this addiction. Thanks for having my back. It means a lot, bro. With your help, I know I'm going to kick this addiction's ass!! :)"
James C, USA

"Hi Jay,

For a while I have been looking for material that I can use to develop a program that I can use in a group to help men overcome pornography addiction. Browsing the internet, I was looking for something real and authentic and practical.

So I stumbled onto Porn Free Power. And I really liked what I discovered. I like your approach, i like the practical way you tackle this. So I started my first group in September this year with 3 men.

PFP is a very practical tool. We use your resources as a group discussion or action (I am very strong on the emphasis that it is an action group, not just a support group) and as homework.

It has been so rewarding to be involved in this journey with these guys. The one guy especially has stopped his daily porn viewing. He is a new person, he now keeps a photo of his wife on their wedding day on his phone.

On a personal note, your resources have helped me with my own journey towards a porn free lifestyle. After I stopped porn, I continued to allow myself some pornographic scenes that I used during masturbation. But it was pulling me slowly back into porn again and it was reading through PFP that I realized that you can think porn as well. And it is as dangerous as watching porn.

Once again, thank you so much for your regular e-mails of encouragement. And on behalf of my group, thank you for allowing us to use your resources."
WW, Port Elizabeth, SA

"This has been one of the hardest things I've ever tried to overcome. Me and my wife have been working on our issues, she has forgiven me but I know she has a hard time trusting me. I have not looked at porn in several weeks, i'm proud of myself and would like to thank you for your advice it's helped alot."
Name and Location Private

"Porn free power has really supported my recovery . My life is starting to grow yahoo!"
Gray K, England

Read more rave reviews.