Watch Your Mouth

I get email from people who are addicted to porn almost every day. And amongst all my conversations with them over the years, this particular pattern comes up a lot:

People who aren’t succeeding with quitting porn often use unconstructive language to describe their journey

Let me give you a few real life examples:

  • “I’m hoping that I can succeed with quitting porn”
  • “I’ll try to get back on track”
  • “I might be able to stop using porn”
  • “I think it will help me”
  • “It’s going to be tough to give up porn”
  • “I want to be free of porn one day”

Most people have no idea that statements like these could be having a negative effect on them.

What’s so bad about those statements?

The words you use to describe a situation reflect your feelings, thoughts, views, attitudes and beliefs about that situation.

So if you use statements like the above examples, here are some things that are probably true for you in relation to overcoming porn addiction:

  • You feel uncertain, weak, powerless and not in control of the situation.
  • You have very little confidence and don’t truly believe you can succeed.
  • You haven’t fully committed to doing whatever it takes to quit porn, no matter what.

It goes without saying that these things are all major obstacles to your success.

A neat trick

I’m sure it’s pretty obvious that the way you see and feel about something will affect what you say about it.

But the less obvious thing is that this works in both directions, so the reverse is true as well:

Not only do your views and feelings shape the words you use, but the words you use also shape your views and feelings

So changing either one also changes the other as well – it’s a two way street!

This means that you can shift your feelings, views and beliefs about something simply by using different words to describe it.

This is something I learned from Tony Robbins, and although it might seem weird, it definitely works and the impact can be huge.

Time for a demonstration

To see this in effect for yourself, read the example statements in the left column of the table below out loud, emphasising the words in italics.

After you read each one, read the alternative statement next to it in the right column, also with an emphasis on the italicised words.

Weak StatementPowerful Statement
"I'm hoping that I can succeed with quitting porn""I'm absolutely sure that I can succeed with quitting porn"
"I'll try to get back on track""I'm going to get back on track no matter what"
"I might be able to stop using porn""I will definitely be able to stop using porn for good"
"I think it will help me""I know it will help me"
"It's going to be tough to give up porn""It's going to be easy and fun and exciting to give up porn"
"I want to be free of porn one day""I'm going to be free of porn right now"
Can you feel the difference?

When you voice the statements in the left column, how do they make you feel? Strong or weak? Confident or unsure? Committed or apathetic? Purposeful or aimless?

And how do you rate your chances of success with quitting porn when you feel like that?

In contrast, when you voice the statements in the right column, how differently do you see and feel about that same situation?

Notice how changing just one or two words immediately changes your perspective and emotions?

This small shift in a statement creates the difference between making yourself a victim versus putting yourself in control.

Giddyup!

You can harness the power of this phenomenon straight away.

From now on, whenever you think or talk about your goal of quitting porn (and anything else that you want in life), start using stronger, more definite language.

This applies to both the way you speak out loud as well as your private thoughts and internal dialogue.

Doing so will immediately shift you from a weak and hesitant state to a powerful and purposeful one, which will set you up to give your best every day.

Plus, if you consistently use constructive language, it will positively affect your attitudes and beliefs over time as well.

All of these things will massively increase your ability to succeed with quitting porn.

Don’t forget to walk your talk as well

To enhance the effect further, make sure you’re absolutely committed to doing whatever it takes to overcome porn addiction in the first place.

That way your actions and underlying resolve will make those empowering words true – no need to fake it until you make it!

When you commit totally to quitting porn, then back that up with powerful language, it’s going to feel way different, you’re going to come at it way stronger, and you’re going to get completely different results.

Just do it!

It takes balls to fully commit to your goal and then speak with certainty about making it happen. It doesn’t leave you a lot of excuses if it gets tough and you wimp out.

But that’s one of the keys to succeeding.

Don’t make the mistake of dismissing this as just some rah-rah pump up bullshit, because it isn’t.

It’s about stepping up and taking control of your addiction instead of feeling and believing that your addiction is controlling you.

And it’s about creating a new reality for yourself, starting with the way you think, speak and view things.

Plus, there are no downsides – it’s free, easy and fast to do, so you may as well give it everything you’ve got!

Commit and start consciously choosing how you word things, and watch how this changes other things deeper within you that will give you a winning edge.

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From the Fans
"Jay,

Thank you for creating your website and your resources. I have known for quite some time that I was missing something in my approach to quitting porn; I knew that will-power wasn't cutting it and that something in my thinking and outlook on life had to change, but I just didn't know how to get there.

I'm only a few articles into the series, yet I can tell there is something different about this time, because I realize that it's not merely about resisting my urges, but really changing the way I think about myself, my past, and my future. Makes complete sense.

I really like how you designed your resources as a series to be periodically delivered via email. It gives me something to look forward to and is helping me take this on---one day at a time. Thank you, man.

Porn has taken me to some dark and shame-filled places. I was afraid that I would never be able to stop the repetitive and damaging cycle. Your writing has helped me to feel hope again, and for that I am overwhelmingly thankful. You are really helping me, Jay, and I hope your approach to fighting this addiction is helping countless others as well.

Thank you, thank you, thank you:)"
James--Oregon, USA


"Hi Jay,

Thx. for all your help,and please continue to forward your emails and materials to me.

I have found that 'Inner Anchor','Inner Source of Power' that you indicated would be essential to victory over porn.This has given me a porn-free identity,giving NO PLACE to porn in my life at all.I am continually aware that I may NEVER become complacent.

I thought I want to let you know,but have waited a considerable time so as to absolutely, resolutely sure that porn is totally out of my life and this email confirms it for me!!!"
CL, UK


"Dear Jay

Thank you for your loving, supportive and non judgmental guidance through this hard time. Your regular exercises are a great help in breaking the bonds of this addiction and your weekly check ups are a reminder that I'm not alone in this battle.

After almost 20 years of fighting this addiction on my own, you have given me the tools to break it's chains. I was so close to losing my wife and family but now we are closer than we had ever hoped to be.

All that ugly guilt and shame has been washed away and in its place a sense of humility, forgiveness and lots of love.

I pray for God's continued strength for you as you continue in your mission.

Thank you"
Anthony
South Africa


"For me, porn was a web of deceit I was ensnared in. I couldn't get free. As I've started doing the Action Series Porn Free Power offers, the different threads that had attached to my life long ago have begun to fall away. It's so effective and simple.

You have no idea how much power you possess until you meet Jay and the amazing support he offers, its life changing. Thanks so much Jay and PFP!"
A.M., New Zealand


"This has been one of the hardest things I've ever tried to overcome. Me and my wife have been working on our issues, she has forgiven me but I know she has a hard time trusting me. I have not looked at porn in several weeks, i'm proud of myself and would like to thank you for your advice it's helped alot."
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"Hi Jay,I dont know how to thank you, I am really impressed with the huge effort you are doing to change us for the better, I sincerely appreciate all the advice and videos you are sending to me, It is really inspiring and awesome, keep it up, you are doing something truly special"
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