This video is packed full of goodies that I know you’ll be able to relate to and apply in your own situation.
The overall topic is willpower, but as you’ll see, this presentation covers so much more.
Before you watch the video, I want to make something clear about willpower specifically: willpower is a valuable element when quitting and recovering from porn addiction.
However, if you have problems with staying porn free, you can’t rely on willpower alone to see you through to success.
You will need many other strategies and structures in place to support your use of willpower so that you have a system that works together effectively.
Many people (myself included) have mistakenly thought that they “should” be able to quit porn completely using willpower alone – but this approach straight up doesn’t work.
So, while it’s valuable to use and develop your willpower, remember that this is only one piece of the puzzle when becoming porn free.
With that said, check out the video:
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Even though she doesn’t mention porn once, everything she says relates precisely to the porn addict’s experience.
Here are some of the key takeaways that I want you to . . . take away:
~4:05: Despite any pleasure it might give you in the moment, using porn is actually frustrating rather than satisfying or fulfilling.
You keep wanting to open just one more video or site, but you’re never happy once you do. Not to mention that porn use makes you feel anxious and distracted as well.
~5:42: Learn to distinguish desire from happiness and satisfaction.
The excitement and pleasure you get from seeking new porn scenes is completely different from the joy and fulfilment you will get from doing meaningful things in life.
~6:20: You’re not a “bad” person if you relapse to porn.
~7:05: Willpower is like a muscle, and you can train it to become stronger over time.
The more you train your willpower, the more it can help you in moments when you’re feeling a porn urge (but remember, willpower is only good as a backup safety net and not as your main strategy for dealing with urges).
You don’t even need to deal with porn urges to develop your willpower – in fact, I don’t recommend relying on willpower during urges as a way to make it stronger.
Instead, if you’re going to build your willpower, I recommend doing it in other ways outside of fighting off porn urges.
You can even try the seemingly irrelevant training exercise of using your non-dominant hand to perform basic physical tasks for a few weeks and see what changes you experience.
~9:28: Guilt and shame aren’t motivators to avoid relapsing in future. In fact, they can actually lead you to turn back to porn again to escape feeling bad.
This can then lead to binges.
So stop beating yourself up if you fall off the wagon. Just learn from the experience so you can avoid the mistake next time, and move on.
~10:55: The faster you forgive yourself for any relapses (instead of beating yourself up), the more likely you are to succeed with quitting porn.
~11:38: You don’t need to get better at handling the internal discomfort of things like withdrawal symptoms before you take action to quit porn.
Fighting against the discomfort of recovery only makes it worse. Accept it and focus on the constructive actions you can take to move forward.
Note: The inner experiences she is talking about here shouldn’t be confused with deeper internal changes like addressing any emotional and psychological issues you may have, or shaping a new porn free identity.
Core personal changes such as these are still critical aspects for long term success.
~14:20: You’re human, and you’re not alone :)
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