So you’ve just read the article title and you’re probably thinking “Damn, AJ – that’s a bit harsh!”
Glad I’ve got your attention.
Now stick around while I walk you through a few truths and you can decide whether or not this is sound advice.
First, here is an indisputable fact:
Who you spend time with is who you become
Any successful person will tell you that. Here’s how a few of them have put it:
- “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” – Jim Rohn
- “The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good and the bad” – Colin Powell
- “Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company” – George Washington
- “If you hang around with bank robbers, pretty soon you’ll be driving the getaway car” – Dr Douglas Graham
- “If someone isn’t making you stronger, they’re making you weaker. Poisonous people do not deserve your time” – Tim Ferriss
Once you accept that who you spend time with is who you become, you will also understand this to be true:
If you want to stay porn free, it’s best to avoid heavy porn users who have a negative influence on you
If the sample of quotes from successful people above don’t do it for you, how about some hard facts from scientific research?
Here is a quote from a study of 327 people who went through a commercial program to help them stop smoking:
More than 60% success in quitting smoking vs less than 30% success, just because of the people they spent the most time with.
If you spend time around people who are always watching, sharing and talking about porn, is there any reason why the effects should be any different for you?
And if not, are you willing to take a look at your friendships to massively increase your chances of success with quitting porn?
But don’t hit the unfriend button just yet!
Before you break up with your entire social circle and become a cave hermit living off ant larvae and rock dust, let me clarify which friends I’m talking about here.
I’m not necessarily talking about friends who just discreetly use porn in their own private time and never even hint about it.
I am talking about the ones who love to use porn and love to let you know all about it.
Constantly.
I’m talking about the friends who:
- are always openly talking about porn and sexual acts they’ve seen
- make watching hardcore porn seem like a totally normal and natural thing
- will pull out their phone to show you shocking porn videos they’ve discovered
- talk about all the porn they watch as if it’s something to be proud of
- will put porn movies on when you go around their house to hang out
- will send you porn clips and links and pics by email and MMS
- are always telling you to check out this or that porn site
Basically, I’m talking about any friends who are overtly into porn and want you to be into it as much as they are.
This stuff rubs straight off onto you . . . automatically
Any friends like that have mindsets, behaviours and identities that are strongly associated with heavy porn use.
The more time you spend with them, the more those same things will be progressively reinforced in you.
This all happens automatically.
You don’t need to put in any conscious effort. It’s like gravity pulling you toward earth – it just happens without you even trying.
And speaking of which, if you want to escape the gravitational pull that porn has on you, you not only need to distance yourself from porn itself; you need to distance yourself from the influence of other heavy porn users.
Take a look around
That’s the only point I want to make for now.
With this in mind, it’s time to take a close look at your friends, family members, work colleagues and anyone else you have a lot of contact with.
Are any of them heavy porn users whose influence is making it more difficult for you to stay porn free?
If so, you’ll need to be very careful.
The short answer
If these bad influences don’t have many other redeeming qualities, I strongly recommend you start reducing the time you spend with them (and increasing the time you spend with positive influences).
It may be even best to get people like that out of your life entirely.
Harsh . . . but true.
The longer answer
Of course this is way easier said than done and it’s not always as straightforward as that.
What if some of these bad influences are your closest friends or they bring a lot of upside to your relationship with them in other ways?
Don’t worry – Part 2 of this article looks at how to handle some tricky situations like this so you can arrive at the best outcome for everyone involved.
Check it out now!
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