Ditch Your Porn Loving Friends – Part 1

So you’ve just read the article title and you’re probably thinking “Damn, Jay – that’s a bit harsh!”

Glad I’ve got your attention.

Now stick around while I walk you through a few truths and you can decide whether or not this is sound advice.

First, here is an indisputable fact:

Who you spend time with is who you become

Any successful person will tell you that. Here’s how a few of them have put it:

  • “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” – Jim Rohn
  • “The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good and the bad” – Colin Powell
  • “Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company” – George Washington
  • “If you hang around with bank robbers, pretty soon you’ll be driving the getaway car” – Dr Douglas Graham
  • “If someone isn’t making you stronger, they’re making you weaker. Poisonous people do not deserve your time” – Tim Ferriss

Once you accept that who you spend time with is who you become, you will also understand this to be true:

If you want to stay porn free, it’s best to avoid heavy porn users who have a negative influence on you

If the sample of quotes from successful people above don’t do it for you, how about some hard facts from scientific research?

Here is a quote from a study of 327 people who went through a commercial program to help them stop smoking:

“The factor most predictive of success or failure was whether or not the client returned to a home containing a smoker. Of those returning to a nonsmoking home, 61.4% of the men and 60.2% of the women were successful. Of those who returned to a smoking household, 70.2% returned to smoking.”

More than 60% success in quitting smoking vs less than 30% success, just because of the people they spent the most time with.

Is there any reason why the results should be any different when it comes to giving up porn?

And if not, are you willing to take a look at your friendships to massively increase your chances of success with quitting porn?

But don’t hit the unfriend button just yet!

Before you break up with your entire social circle and become a cave hermit living off ant larvae and rock dust, let me clarify which friends I’m talking about here.

I’m not necessarily talking about friends who just discreetly use porn in their own private time and never even hint about it.

I am talking about the ones who love to use porn and love to let you know all about it.

Constantly.

I’m talking about the friends who:

  • are always openly talking about porn and sexual acts they’ve seen
  • will pull out their phone to show you shocking porn videos they’ve discovered
  • talk about all the porn they watch as if it’s something to be proud of
  • will put porn movies on when you go around their house to hang out
  • will send you porn clips and links and pics by email and MMS
  • are always telling you to check out this or that porn site

Basically, I’m talking about any friends who are really into porn and want you to be into it as much as they are.

This stuff rubs straight off onto you . . . automatically

Any friends like that have mindsets, behaviours and identities that are strongly associated with heavy porn use.

The more time you spend with them, the more those same things will be progressively reinforced in you.

This all happens automatically.

You don’t need to put in any conscious effort. It’s like gravity pulling you toward earth – it just happens without you even trying.

And speaking of which, if you want to escape the gravitational pull that porn has on you, you not only need to distance yourself from porn itself; you need to distance yourself from the influence of other heavy porn users.

Take a look around

That’s the only point I want to make for now.

With this in mind, it’s time to take a close look at your friends, family members, work colleagues and anyone else you have a lot of contact with.

Are any of them heavy porn users whose influence is making it more difficult for you to stay porn free?

If so, you’ll need to be very careful.

The short answer

If these bad influences don’t have many other redeeming qualities, I strongly recommend you start reducing the time you spend with them (and increasing the time you spend with positive influences).

It may be even best to get people like that out of your life entirely.

Harsh . . . but true.

The longer answer

Of course this is way easier said than done and it’s not always as straightforward as that.

What if some of these bad influences are your closest friends or they bring a lot of upside to your relationship with them in other ways?

Don’t worry – Part 2 of this article looks at how to handle some tricky situations like this so you can arrive at the best outcome for everyone involved.

Check it out now!

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Testimonials
"I used to think that porn was something I couldn't get over, but I was wrong. Once I started using Porn Free Power, I found it easy to jump start my recovery process. Each of Jay's resources is filled with effective steps that helped me break the addictive cycle.

Additionally, his online calls are extremely helpful because they are tailored to my needs. Finally, he has an effective accountability system set up which has helped me get to core of why I used porn in the first place. His accountability system has enabled me to become more transparent with myself and others about my porn use and has motivated me to continue my recovery journey.

I wouldn't be here without Jay's guidance in the process. Thanks for everything you've done with PFP!"
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A.M., New Zealand


"Hi Jay,

For a while I have been looking for material that I can use to develop a program that I can use in a group to help men overcome pornography addiction. Browsing the internet, I was looking for something real and authentic and practical.

So I stumbled onto Porn Free Power. And I really liked what I discovered. I like your approach, i like the practical way you tackle this. So I started my first group in September this year with 3 men.

PFP is a very practical tool. We use your resources as a group discussion or action (I am very strong on the emphasis that it is an action group, not just a support group) and as homework.

It has been so rewarding to be involved in this journey with these guys. The one guy especially has stopped his daily porn viewing. He is a new person, he now keeps a photo of his wife on their wedding day on his phone.

On a personal note, your resources have helped me with my own journey towards a porn free lifestyle. After I stopped porn, I continued to allow myself some pornographic scenes that I used during masturbation. But it was pulling me slowly back into porn again and it was reading through PFP that I realized that you can think porn as well. And it is as dangerous as watching porn.

Once again, thank you so much for your regular e-mails of encouragement. And on behalf of my group, thank you for allowing us to use your resources."
WW, Port Elizabeth, SA


"Man Im gonna share with you something Ive never told anyone. Ive been waiting for it and todays audio came at a perfect time!

My story is much like yours. And at 31 I became a father. If you have kids you know, if not I will tell you: The moment a newborn enters the room, it is instantly filled with the most extreme love you can imagine! When we had our daughter and I got to hold her, I had the most powerful love-explosion I ever could imagine!

My heart was connecting to my newborn and I was at the deepest level her father, for life. The love was pure. true and so honest!

At that time my brain had it, could not take it! It could not handle it! It had been porn-wired for a long time and thats the anti-love. At first it keep saying fuck fuck, hell hell and stuff like that. Very disturbing to a first time father! I felt only love but my brain something else.

Later on it became even more disgusting, to a level that was hurting me very bad and I was haunted with the most disgusting words whenever I held my child. It took about a year or so to clean out, flush my dirty mind clean(er) I was so ashamed!

2 years later we had another child. I was nervous as hell for that experience to return. It didn't and we had a little boy. I was so relieved! It happened just after me starting to get your mails. So thats my story, and I promise my family to stay clean!

I really appreciate you trying to help your fellow brothers. Mostly brothers I suppose..:) I can't wait to hear from you again, your mails are always appreciate and longed for! Thank you for all that you do man, you save lives!"
Rob, Sweden


Here is an additional follow-up from Rob later:

"Well, I never thought I could stop in six months. Here I am with no big setback! The transformation has been rough at times. My mind is so badly wired from porn. You know theres absolutely no humanity in porn ! Ive gotten married and got a second child since your first mail so the rewards are huge! I still long for the quick fix when im tired or stressed, but my 2yr ord told me I was the worlds strongest yesterday. And thats what I need to be! For My family! Your work is great! Keep it up man! And thank you!"
Rob, Sweden


"Hey man porn free power helped me to realise that porn addiction start with you. Before you start saying you quit it should be for real, I said many times that I need to quit but I failed but after meeting jay I was able to know a way out. Jay always spend time giving us advice and also supporting us. I am proud to say I can see the light and I have quit porn."
Mathew S


"Hi Jay,

I have to say I have found the resources excellent so far. It takes constant reminders and fresh motivation to stay away from porn and prevent little relapses from happening, the emails we receive from you every few days do just that, helps to kind of freshen up our minds and keep us focused with new tips and strategies, now matter how big or small they are.

It's definitely working for me anyway, the odd little relapse here and there but I've pretty much stopped porn altogether.

Keep up the good work man you must be helping a lot of people.

Thanks"
Stephen


"I have not watched porn for almost 2 months now since using the Porn Free Power strategy.This is a huge achievement for me. I have also received unbelievable support from Jay.
I was desperate when I started this, now every day I feel stronger and in control.
THANK YOU Jay"
TP, Cape Town


"Hi Jay,

Thx for all your help. I have found that 'Inner Anchor','Inner Source of Power' that you indicated would be essential to victory over porn.This has given me a porn-free identity,giving NO PLACE to porn in my life at all.I am continually aware that I may NEVER become complacent.

I thought I want to let you know,but have waited a considerable time so as to absolutely, resolutely sure that porn is totally out of my life and this email confirms it for me!!!"
CL, UK


"The e-mails I have been receiving are great. I have been experiencing porn induced ED for years but now I'm full of hope. Day 5 in and Jay has been a real help."
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